Frequently Asked Questions
How are independent funerals different?
For many people the traditional understanding of a funeral service is one where the procedure is formalised and inflexible and they are allowed only minimal input. An independent funeral gives a more flexible approach which allows freedom for you to choose the music, readings, style, theme and mood of the ceremony to reflect and celebrate the life of the person who has died. It can be somewhat religious or totally non-religious - you decide.
An independent funeral can be whatever YOU choose. It is true that wedding ceremonies must ensure that certain words are spoken and there are some strict rules about what can and cannot be said, sung or read. There is much more freedom with funerals. Many families I work with initially want no references to religion but during the planning process decide they might like a religious song or a form of prayer.
Civil funerals offer the freedom to have as much or as little faith content as you like.
There is no liturgy, set service or scripted prayers. We can use known texts or write everything from scratch. For example, if the person who has passed away did not believe in God but liked singing along to Songs of Praise, we can use their favourite hymn in the ceremony but not include any prayers or reference to a religion or deity. You choose whether to refer to a particular religion or belief, or not at all.
I don't know where to start with what to include in my late family member's funeral. You didn't know him or her, so how can you make it personal?
I talk with the closest family members and encourage them to tell me about the person who has died. From what people share in these conversations it is possible to build an accurate picture of the person they have lost. I help families and friends collect their thoughts and memories and select suitable ceremony elements to prepare a coherent and concise tribute to the life of their loved one. It is my job to collect and channel what you want to say and remember, not deliver my own thoughts and words. It can be a little strange to be the only person present who never met the person everyone is there to hear about, but I always feel that I have got to know the person through their family and that is one of the most rewarding parts of my job. Feedback from my ceremonies include positive comments on how accurate the picture of their loved one has been painted. For ideas on music choices you can visit Wesley Music* online and have a look at their music libraries - they will show you the wide range of non-religious funeral music and religious funeral music that has already been used for ceremonies in UK crematoria.
A ceremony might contain some or all of the following elements
Music on entry
Music for reflection/contemplation/prayer/photo slideshow
Music on exit
Opening words of welcome and explanation
Readings/poems/hymns/prayers
Tributes/eulogies
Farewell words
Silence for reflection
Time to approach the coffin to say goodbye/place flowers
Closing words of comfort/philosophy/hope
Who will speak at the ceremony?
We will plan the ceremony format together in advance, then I will usually lead the ceremony and introduce anybody else who plans to speak. This could be a family member or a work colleague or friend. If on the day emotions are overwhelming and someone who had wanted to speak feels they just can't do it I can step in at short notice to read a tribute or poem.
How much does it cost?
The normal fee for a funeral ceremony is between £175 and £250 depending on length of service and distances travelled.
This includes the initial visit and any other work to gather information for the tribute, liaising with your Funeral Director and Venue Staff about music choices and ceremony content, attending the ceremony, and 3 presentation booklets of the ceremony script. Orders of Service can also be created if required.
Do I contact you directly or via the funeral director?
If you would like to speak to me
first to discuss options and possibilities then I will be very happy to
talk things through with you and for you to check my availability. We can discuss which crematorium has the best facilities you'll need in terms of music system, seating capacity, ease of access and car parking for example. You may decide to book a double time slot (this doesn't cost double by the way!) which may enable you to feel much less pressured on the day.
evelyn temple tel: 07960 476 996 email: enquiries@goyourownway.co.uk
People often contact their Funeral Director* in order to sort out dates and venues.
Does the ceremony have to end with cremation or can it be a traditional burial?
Burial can take place at the crematorium's municipal cemetery, a
woodland burial site, at sea or even in a private garden*. Most people do
choose cremation. A civil funeral cannot usually end with a burial in a religious burial ground, though some church ministers are more accommodating to their local parishioners.
Can the ceremony take place in a place of worship followed by burial in the churchyard, for example?
Independent funerals can be held at your local crematorium, or a woodland burial site, or any other venue, but usually not in a church or religious building. This is because most churches and places of worship in other faiths have their own procedures and rules for how a funeral should take place. For example, burial in a church cemetery will usually require the vicar to conduct the funeral, though I have conducted ceremonies for interment of ashes in a churchyard.
It may be an option for you to hold a small traditional religious funeral conducted by a member of the local clergy, followed by an independent/civil memorial service later. Please feel free to call me or your funeral director for specific advice on your individual situation.
I want to arrange a really unusual funeral and break all the traditional 'rules'. Are there any legal limitations?
An independent funeral is the perfect format if you want an alternative funeral ceremony. Many people believe that a funeral must be conducted in a specific way
and that anything different to the traditional way is illegal. There are in fact very few
legal requirements for a funeral, you are not legally obliged to use a church, a hearse, a
coffin, or a member of the clergy! There is a lot of freedom in choice of location (such as open air, hotel, pub, on a barge, woodland, your home) music and content style. The ceremony can be as conventional or alternative as you choose. My expertise is in the planning of the ceremony but I can direct you to ideas such as colourful bespoke coffins, unusual hearses - a campervan or motorbike and sidecar, or unusual send-offs such as ashes being compressed into diamonds, or incorporated into an oil painting, or a biodegradable flower seed card, or blasted into space in a firework, gun cartridge or rocket. Go your own way!
Do you offer counselling services or keep in touch with families after the funeral?
No, although it's true that I like helping people in the confusing and difficult time of bereavement and families often report that the process of planning an independent funeral has been therapeutic. However, it is easier for everyone if I keep my role very clear and limit my involvement purely to the funeral ceremony. I do not normally attend wakes or social gatherings after the ceremony and if it becomes apparent that a bereaved person would benefit from counselling, I refer them to various sources of support that I can recommend.
How long have Civil Funerals existed?
The Institute was formed in 2004 in order to bring a recognised professional standard to the funeral service.
How do I arrange a Civil Funeral?
There are several options for you to consider:
You can contact me directly and we can discuss a way forward that suits you without any obligation.
You can call your local crematorium to check availability and ask for advice.
You can ask a local funeral director, (assuming you plan to use one) about a Civil Funeral.
Who can I speak to in order to get a third-party independent opinion about Civil Funerals?
Please ask your funeral director. I work mainly with local funeral directors - see my links page for contact details. You can call any of these and ask about their experience with Civil Funerals. You can also contact Easthampstead Park Crematorium* or Woking Crematorium* where I conduct the majority of my ceremonies. You can check out feedback on my listing on www.funeralcelebrants.org.uk
Can I pre-plan my own funeral?
Yes, certainly. I will meet you to advise and guide you concerning the ceremony.
I will of course provide you with a full copy of the ceremony script for you to approve.
I cannot guarantee that I will be the celebrant conducting the ceremony on the day
and it is important that you make your wishes clear to your family, solicitor or executor,
and/or lodge the script with your other significant paperwork.
* See Links